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Issue No 2 November 2001
This club is an integral part of the 'Per Ardua' web site
Web master and club founder...Jason French
Co-founder: Rabbie BurnsThis newsletter is best viewed using Netscape
Vote NOW! in the Club Pin-Up Poll BelowVote NOW!
The aim of this newsletter is to
inform, amuse, arouse, excite,
invigorate, annoy, worry, entice,
interest, and confuse all of us.
If it has. Good!
If it hasn't bugger it!
(Jason)
Club membership now stands at 181 and is the No 1 Air Force Yahoo Club
Welcome to the club's second newsletter. Thanks for your contributions and I hope I have included them all. As you see I have now added an entry page with the club rules and an option to view any newsletter. The pages of Regiment pics from the newspapers are also available from the newsletter. I will add to these as I come across them or if they are sent to me.
The events of September 11 have overshadowed everything and a reminder that the 'Battle of Britain Week' events still tookplace was sent to me by Ron Barnbrook. I have started a new feature called the 'Club Spotlight' where a member tells us all a little about his or hers service career. And rightly so I think, we start off with the clubs oldest member now 83, who joined the Regiment at its formation. He has a keen memory and I hope he will relate some of his war time exploits in the future. You will notice that the newsletter theme is naturally pro-US and Britain and anti-Taleban. I make no apologies for this.If you have any comments, contributions, criticisms advice about thenewsletter or about the club itself let me know.
Gerry Germain on the right ofColour
Party Escort (Ron Barnbrook can
be seen behind colour)
is in the club "Spotlight" below
Subject: Would Sir require a single with ensuite? The Ministry of Defence is to phase out the old-style army barrack dormitories because newer recruits no longer find it acceptable to share a room. (aaaah!)
Defence Secretary Geoff Hoon has announced a £200m-a-year improvement programme for the forces' unmarried quarters accommodation, which aims to eventually offer all single service personnel their own room.
Defence officials have acknowledged that the change was being driven by the need to retain a different generation of recruits who wanted greater privacy.
"In the 21st century people are increasingly expecting their own rooms with decent facilities," one source said. (wimps!)
'Team building'
The three British services have historically taken different views on unmarried accommodation, with recruits to the RAF the most likely to get a room of their own. (bloody hell!)But the Army has traditionally regarded dormitories as good for building team spirit, and most unmarried private soldiers still live in shared accommodation with four to a room.
The MoD says the aim is for all single personnel, apart from new trainees, to get their own room with a shower. (bloody hell!)
However officials have acknowledged the programme could take 10 years to complete.
The new investment will initially have to go into improving the poor state of much of the existing unmarried accommodation.
Mr Hoon, addressing building contractors in London, said that some barracks accommodation, was "frankly appalling". (oh dear!)
"Some of it is simply unacceptable. Its condition is positively damaging to operational effectiveness, to retaining service men and women, and to the day-to-day efficiency of defence.
"And we know it is getting worse," he said.
Battle of Britain Commemorative Dinner
CMCs Address
from Ron Barnbrook
(click image to enlarge)
(thanks Ron)
Nostalgia Pic 
1950
LAA Live firing. Rockapes show off their prize of a drogue, shot down by an L60/40mm Bofors gunThe attack on the World Trade Centre Buildings in New York brings this comment from Mark Kimberlin I'm an ex-Rock with 15 years service, now into my 11th year working as an Emergency Manager. My job entails dealing with emergencies and major incidents and preparing plans to mitigate their effects, supporting the Emergency Services and the protection of the public and environment. I've been involved in many major incidents, some of which have sadly involved multiple fatalities. It's a fact of life that the next emergency will always be the one that you never thought could happen, and lo and behold 'the theory' holds sound. No amount of planning could have prevented the act of cold blooded murder that was perpetrated before our eyes on Tuesday. No amount of training could prepare us for the scenes of carnage and destruction that unfolded on the screens in front of us. It was never in anybody's wildest dreams that such an event could occur, which puts a very worrying perspective on 'the theory'. The feeling of complete and utter devastation, disgust and revulsion that is felt by the many millions of people throughout the freethinking world must serve to unite us. I've read, as many of us have, of acts of bravery and heroism under fire, but the selfless courage displayed by the emergency services reacting in New York and Washington have proven to be a very humbling experience. It's one thing to 'hit bandit country' with a rifle in your hand and section behind you, but it's something very different to face unknown danger alone and armed only with what you stand up in. A measured and firm response is essential, not only for the sake of those who have been injured or killed and their friends and relatives, but also for those who have been closely involved in the rescue efforts and for our children's sake. That is not to say that we leap out of our front doors and banjo the first Asian or Arab that we see. We must be patient, and support the powers that be in whatever decisions they reach. For once it seems that the political parties of all persuasions are united, the chances are that you may even have voted for one or the other of them, but at last the scene is set. One of my hopes is that those terrorist groups that have plagued the British Isles for the last thirty years or more are included in the list of organisations to be 'addressed'. I don't think we can afford to stop once it starts, and it has to be all or nothing. To close I would just like to re-affirm my commitment to my Corps, my Country and to my Sovereign. Who knows what the coming months and possibly even years may bring, but we must show resolve and remain true to our motto. Above all we must support the serving members of our armed forces and in particular our Corps. Per ardua
MARK KIMBERLIN. (thanks Mark)
Beer of the Month
From: Nick Bacon (thanks)
A Truism from Rabbie
If your marching, you ain't fighting
And if your fighting you ain't marching!
Rabbie BurnsContradiction in Terms
'Intelligence Officer'EH?
"As laid down in standing orders"
Nicknames A certain trooper of mine who was not known to be the sharpest knife in the box - Morphine aka a slow acting dope. Needless to say when the troops found out his wife was pregnant they demanded she should be prosecuted for dope carrying! I know its an old one but they are the best.
from chiefmanyjackets...Bill Espie (thanks Bill)
For Web masters
How to display a pic in HTML< all the information about the object you place inside brackets >
Information : img src="camera.gif" height="48" width="57" alt="Click Here To See My Pictures"
Here is what the information means ..
img src= means .. image source
height= means .. the height of the object
"48" means .. 48 pixels
width= means .. the width of the object
"57" means .. 57 pixels
alt= is for .. "indicating information about the object" . When visitors pass their mouse over the object a colored pop-up box appears with your information inside. - - such as "Click Here" . However .. also note the following .. The "alt tag" is commonly used by some search engine "robots" to gain further insight about the content found on your web page. This is important if your intention is to submit your web site to a search engine.
Guest Book Woes
A recent entry in my guest book from a long serving penguin due for demob:
Comments: "Cor! The Raf Regt an elite Corps? PHWOAAR!! What is the difference between a Rockape and a slice of toast? You can make soldiers out of a slice of toast." Boom Boom!
Signed: A TechieWhat a sad bastard!!
The RAF Regiment have been involved in the culling of livestock in the recent 'Foot & Mouth' crisis. The following are for them
The Regiment still getting the shit jobs I see!
Mary had a little lamb,
She called it baby Abby,
They burned it in a great big pit
Cos its mouth and feet were scabbyMary had a little lamb
She called him little Ralph,
But now he's burning in a field
Because of foot and mouth.Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep And doesn't know where they're located,
But Tony Blair has said "fair's fair If they're burnt
she'll be compensated"Mary's pigs had foot and mouth
"This crisis," cried she, "needs tackling,
Now all i've got is one black field
And forurteen tons of crackling..."
WE ARE THE SURVIVORS This is an observation for those bom before 1950.
We were born before television, penicillin, polo shirts, freezer foods, Xerox, contact lenses, videos, frisbees and the pill. We lived before, credit cards, split atoms, laser beams and ball-point pens. Before dishwashers, tumble dryers, electric blankets, air conditioners, drip-dry clothes and before man walked on the moon.
We got married first and then lived together - how quaint can you be, We thought fast food was what you ate at lent. A Big Mac was an oversized raincoat and crumpet we had for tea. We existed before house husbands, computer dating and dual careers.
A meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins and sheltered accommodation was where you waited for a bus and a boy band was the Boys Brigade
We were born before day centers, group homes and disposable nappies. We had never beard of FM radios, tape decks, electrical typewriters, artificial hearts, word processors, yogurt and men wearing earrings. For us time-sharing meant togetherness, a chip was a piece of wood or a fried potato, hardware meant nuts and bolts and software wasn't even a word. Before 1950 "Made in Japan' meant junk.
The term 'making out' referred to how you did in your exams. A stud was something that fastened your collar and going all the way meant staying on a double-decker bus until it reached the depot. Pizza, McDonald's and instant coffee were unheard of. In our day cigarette smoking was fashionable, grass was mown, coke was kept in a coal house, a joint was a piece of meat you had on Sunday, and pot was something you cooked in. Rock music was a grandmother's lullaby, El Dorado was an ice cream, a gay person was the life and soul of the party and a boy band was the Boys Brigade.
There were four grades of toilet paper, Daily Dispatch, Daily Herald, Radio Times and the News of the World. A moneybag was called a penny gas meter, people had the toilet outside of their home and at meals inside. Transportable lightweight baths could be used in any room of the house. A pom shop was a pawnshop and the handkerchief was the coat sleeve. Footwear was constructed of leather, iron and wood. A disk jockey was a national hunt rider with a back injury. The recycling unit was known as the rag and bone man, an alarm was known as the knocker-up man. The NHS was known as the doctors bill at six pence a week. Debt and illegitimacy were secrets and McDonald only had a farm. Central heating was an oven plate or a firebrick wrapped in a blanket
A duvet was your dad's overcoat. A kitchen unit was known as a slop-stone and the top ten used to be the Ten Commandments.
We who were born before 1950 must be a hardy bunch when you think of the ways in which the world has changed and of adjustments we have had to make. No wonder we are so confused and there is a generation gap.
But by the grade of God, we have survived.
Thanks to Don Madge who sent me something similar
It is reported that a 256 seater plane carrying British Muslims to Pakistan, where they intended to cross the Afghan border and join the Taliban, has crashed on take-off killing all those on board. When I read this I cried my eyes out............... There were 5 empty seats! Taliban Anti-Aircraft Battery in Action 
Proof that there is a God It has been confirmed the five British Muslims who flew to Pakistan to joined the Taliban and fight against British and US troops. have been killed in the bombing raids. Well, I'll toss and turn all night worrying about that!
Survey A survey of 500 British Muslims carried out yesterday, found that 85% of British Muslims support the Taliban. I think lottery money should be made available to help them and their families to re-settle in the country they seem to bear allegiance to. This country must be ruthless with traitors and the enemy within. However, whether such a small sample can be accurately projected to the whole population is doubtful.
Urgent Virus warning There is a new virus going around, called "work". If you receive any sort of "work" at all, whether via email, internet or simply handed to you by a colleague...DO NOT OPEN IT. Work has been circulating around our building for months and those who have been tempted to open "work" or even look at "work" have found that their social life is deleted and their brain ceases to function properly. If you do encounter "work" via email or are faced with any "work" at all, then to purge the virus, send an email to your boss with the words "Sorry...I'm off to the pub". The "work" should then beautomatically deleted from your brain. If you receive "work" in paper-document form, simply lift the document and drag the "work" to your garbage can. Put on your coat and skip to the nearest bar with two friends and order three pints of beer. After repeating this action 14 times, you will find that "work" will no longer be of any relevance to you. Send this message to everyone in your address book. If you do not have anyone in your address book, then I'm afraid the "work" virus has already corrupted your life.
from: mmills (thanks Mick)Club Pin-Up Survey
(Remember it's only a bit of fun!)
This was my home for two and a half years. Feb.1958 until Oct 1960. Sheer bliss! 2 man,160 pounder on a concrete standing. No bull, except for the bed pack. Best years of my life in the Mob. C & R Flight. 3 LAA Wing. RAF Akrotiri. Best ever CO. Winco Roberts. And best of all... EOKA made life interesting.
Look at the state of that bed & mattress!! Oh Joy! Great Days.
The best T-shirt slogan ever?
Vote as many times as you like!
The final ten contenders for the coveted Miss RAF Regiment Club Pin-Up title have been assembled. It's your vote that counts remember. If you want a peek at the final ten, click the graphic to view ten thumbnails. If you need to study them in detail then you will have to go to the club album. I know who my favourite is. Why not have a side bet with your mate to make it even more interesting. The winner will become the logo for all future newsletters so please vote, it's only a bit of Rockape fun!
Asscons We all know those little computer symbols called "emoticons," where:)means a smile and:( is a frown. Sometimes these are represented by:-)and:-(respectively. Well, how about some "asscons"? Here they are:
(_!_) A regular ass
(__!__) A fat ass
(!) A tight ass
(_._) A flat ass
(_^_) A bubble ass
(_*_ ) A sore ass
(_!__) A lop-sided ass
{_!_} A swishy ass
(_x_) Kiss my ass
(_X_) Leave my ass alone
(_zzz_) A tired ass
(_o^o_) A wise ass
(_13_) An unlucky ass
(_£_) Money coming out of his ass
(_?_ ) Dumb ass
(_e=3Dmc2_) A smart ass
WANTED
A tall well-built woman with good
reputation, who can cook frogs
legs, who appreciates a good fuc-
schia garden, classic music and tal-
king without getting too serious.
But please only read lines 1,3 and 5.Club Spotlight
groundgunner.....Gerry Germaine
Royal Navy Sept 1939. Out in May 1940. Colour vision defective. Went to Uxbridge in June to join the RAF Air Sea Rescue. No. Same reason. OK Aircrew? No. Same reason.
I was then asked if I knew about guns. Yes. You’re in. Ground Defence. No 933587.
Blackpool 2 weeks for basic training. July Mildenhall (ACHIGD/GG) AC2. Then to Newmarket Racecourse now an Airfield. 725 (D) Sqdn. Promoted Cpl in Dec 1940
Previous experience see!!! Sqdn split in 2 I went with my half to Stradishall Mar 1941, joined up with those already there, and then became 2725 Sqdn in Aug 1941.
We then all became GUNNERS not GD. (Hurrah). Of course the Regt was formed in 42 and we changed our number to 2868 Sqdn. We then became 2794 Sqdn in Oct 42. Promoted to Sgt in Dec 42 and then F/Sgt in June 43. In May 44 I was posted to 2814 Sqdn and we went to Germany in Feb/Mar 45. >From Jan 46 to Feb 46 I was doing nothing except waiting for my discharge. Discharged in Apr 46 and was on the reserve until June 59.
Courses: Smith GunI2 Gun at Filey/ Ack Ack in Oakhani/ Commando in Inverary (twice) /Bofor alone first then again with Sqn! 7SniIm Field Gun! Mines & Booby traps
Len Hames: ReunionI am going to try and organise a reunion in Nottingham, but beforeI doI would like to hear some sort of response, so if you could post
some information on the news letter it would be much appreciated. If I get some ideas of number's I will have an idea of the size of the venue I will
require. The sooner I get some idea's of numbers the quicker I can get the ball rollin, (to coin a phrase).Nickname The lad's used to call me mouse, because I could get anywhere the wind could blow.
Len Hames (thanks Len)Not if we get you first! The JUI has issued a fatwa declaring that "this war must be fought in every Muslim home everywhere". The Mufti makes a special reference to Muslims in Britain. "We will take the war to every Muslim home in Britain and every Muslim home in America. [President] Bush wants a crusade. We'll give him Jihad." "We are holding a protest demonstration in the evening", he declares.
"Afghanistan will turn into an American graveyard."(Article)
Wankers on the Web I found an isolated discussion page the other day. The thread had been started by a young kid who said he wanted to join the Regiment and asked for advice. One of the posts from a penguin is worthy of note. "The RAF Regiment is a lot more specialised now and isn't used in a purely defensive role"
(I wonder what airfield the Regiment patrols in Aden, Nalaya, Borneo, Cyprus and N Irand were defending)
A purely defensive Regiment patrol
in Malaya
Free pass to go to the
front of any Airmens Mess
or NAAFI queue(it worked for me)
By the time a Rockape pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a bed, I don't care where. "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant an RAF chap ," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it would be worth it to you."
"No problem," the tired Rockape assured him. "I'll take it." The next morning the Rock came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
"How'd you sleep?" asked the manager. "Never better," replied he replied. The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other chap snoring, then?"
"Nah, I shut him up in no time," said the Rockape. "How did you manage that?" asked the manager. "He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the Rockape explained. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."
In my day this how we left the NAAFI
from greefie2001 (thanks)
Sex before marriage Islamic style
Extract From The Latest Mills and Boon Novel... " We met in a secluded field, the sun nearly kissing the evening horizon. The warm breeze was full of that earthy, musky scent that only those fortunate enough to live outside the urban rat race know, and a quiet whispering of leaves in the weeping willow overhead added the
final touch to the most romantic scene.
We lay there, both naked. I knew I had to have her, and have her now. Without a word being spoken, I moved to a position of dominance. I could feel instantly that this was what she was waiting for as she frantically thrust her pelvis at my approaching organ. I moved slowly at first, Inch
by inch, until I was fully inside her. Then as the tension rose, we threw caution to the wind and abandoned ourselves to the moment Although inexperienced, she approached every change of position with enthusiasm, moaning with despair every time I withdrew to preventmyselfending it all too soon. As the sexual tension heightened towards the inevitable mind blowing climax, it was all I could do to hold out
any longer. Finally, the moment we had been building up to was upon us, and passed all too quickly. Breathlessly we rolled together in the now damp grass. As the last deep orange glow of the long setting sun melted into the darkness of approaching night, we lay there still entwined in an amorous embrace.Ikissed her long and lovingly, and whispered reassuringly how good sh had been. She tenderly and sensuously licked my inner ear thenwhispered, 'Baaa' and rejoined the flock.'This book is only for sale, at the moment, in New Zealand, Australia,Wales and certain parts of Lancashire..'.
(sorry don't know who this is from either, lost name when I transferred e-mail to WordPad. Let me know and I will add your name)
Probably the best anti-Bin Laden graphic ever
!
Five ways to annoy Osama Bin Laden Correct him when he ends a sentence with a preposition.
Pause for a moment, listen carefully, and say, "Doesn't that sound a lot like a B-52?"
Ask him if he wouldn't mind if you opened the door and shined your laser pointer on his forehead for a few minutes.
Offer to take him "clubbing" in Tel Aviv with your friends Saul and Ivan.
When you leave, wave and say, "Shalom!"Tosser of the Year 
"Of course the Talban have got hand held Stinger missile launchers with a range of 5 miles, so the US won't have it all there own way"
John Simpson BBC News reporter and self-styled, so-called "expert" on modern warfare
This is firestick she go Boom Boom! and very portable it has carrying handle on the top" Put shell in here!
Teliban Training Camp
Northern Alliance Commanders have told their troops to 'shoot on sight' any foreign Taliban fighters (Pakistani, British Muslim, etc) they encounter. I bet that poky little council flat in Badford or Birmingham in good old "racist" Britain looks mighty comfortable now. Eh, fellas. And don't forget the Royal Marines and Parachute Regiment are on their way. Not so tough now eh?
NOTIFICATION OF COMPULSORY ENLISTMENT Under the Emergency Powers Act (1939) as amended by the Defence Act (1978), you are hereby notified that you are required to place yourself on standby for possible compulsory military service in the American Conflict. You may shortly be ordered to depart for the MiddleEast where you will join either the 3rd Battalion The Queen's Own Suicidal Conscripts, The Royal Mud Guards or the 2nd Foot and Mouth.
Due to the recent rundown of the Navy and the refusal of P&O to lend us any of their liners, because of the deplorable state in which they were returned after the Falklands adventure, it will be necessary for you to make your own way to the combat zone. H.M. Government have been able to negotiate a 20% discount on one way trips with Virgin Airlines and you are strongly urged to take advantage of this offer
(RyanAir also do a nice little £9.99 trip).Because of cutbacks in Government expenditure in recent years it will be necessary for you to provide yourself with the following equipment as soon as possible:
Combat Jacket
Trousers (preferably khaki - but please no denim)
Tin helmet
Boots (or a pair of sturdy trainers)
Gas mask (oops sorry, respirator)
Map of the combat zone (the Ordinance Survey 1:25000 Outdoor Leisure Map of Afghanistan will do)
Rifle
Ammunition (preferably to suit previous item)
Suntan oilIf you are in a position to afford it, we would like you to buy a tank. (Vickers Defence of Banbury are currently offering all new conscripts
a 0% finance deal on all X registration Chieftains, but hurry, as offer is only available whilst stocks last and subject to status).There may be little time for formal military training before your departure and so we advise that you hire videos of the following films and try and pick up a few tips as you watch:
The Guns of Navarone
Kelly's Heroes
A Bridge to Far
The Longest Day
Apocalypse Now
The Matrix
Blazing Saddles
The Desert Song
Mary PoppinsNote: We do not recommend that you watch Khartoum.
To mentally prepare yourself for your mission try reading the works of Wilfred Owen or Rupert Brookes. This should give you some idea of what may be involved.
Yours faithfully,
G Hoon,
Ministry of Defence. A Bush - Blair Production Sponsored by Mars, The Official snack of World War III
Sorrydon't know who sent this (but it's bloody funny) Let me know and I will put your name at the bottom
Several new viruses have been discovered in the United States and are wreaking havoc throughout the national system and could filter through to Europe... Beware of the following: 1.) THE GEORGE BUSH Virus...(Causes your computer to think it won the
election, even though the motherboard and fatherhood bought it)
2.) THE AL GORE virus...(Causes our computer to just keep counting)
3.) THE CLINTON Virus...(Gives you a 7-inch Hard Drive with NO memory)
4.) THE BOB DOLE (AKA: VIAGRA) virus...(Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy)
5.) THE LEWINSKY virus...(Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then E-mails everyone about what it did)
6.) THE JESSE JACKSON virus... (Warns you constantly about illegitimate file reproduction, while illegitimately reproducing files in the background)
7.) THE JACK KEVORKIAN virus... (Deletes all old files)
8.) THE PROZAC virus... (Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care)
9.) THE JOEY BUTTAFUOCO virus... (Only attacks minor files)
and last but not least.........
10) THE LORENA BOBBITT virus...(Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy, then discards it through Windows)
from ali one (thanks ali1)And Finally........
Anyone We Know? Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new Warrant Officer
was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the Warrant Officer quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, Air Commodore, I will be seeing him this afternoon and I will pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir." Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young airman, he asked, "What do you want? "Nothing important, sir," the airman replied. "Just here to hook up your telephone."
Q: What does Osama bin Laden and Fred Flintstone have in common?
A: They look out their window and see Rubble.
Q: How do stop a Taliban tank?
A: Shoot the guys pushing it.
Q: What is the Taliban national bird?
A: Duck.
Q: What is the difference between the Taliban and a bucket of shit?
A: The bucket.
Q: How do you play Taliban bingo?
A: B-52. F-16. B-1. etc etc
Q: What do Hiroshima and Kabul have in common?
A: Nothing....yet.
Q: What does General George Armstrong Custer and Osama bin
Laden have in common?
A: The history books will say both were killed by Tomahawks.
